Someone to be the Opposite of a Role Model

In the book "Breathing Underwater," by Alex Flin, the main character Nick attends an anger management class because he was an overprotective and violent boyfriend to Caitlin.  He didn't realize how bad he was until he saw what his friend Leo did to his girlfriend Neysa.  This makes me think that you not only need a role model, but also someone to learn from his/her mistakes.

In the beginning of the book, Nick had said, "It was just one slap.  I didn't hit her."  He didn't realize it was the same thing.  But when he spent time with Leo and Neysa, Leo criticized Neysa and even snapped things like, "No one asked for your opinion."  Nick had also done these things to Caitlin.  In the end, Leo shot Neysa and himself after she broke up with him.  Nick questioned if that would've happened to him if he hadn't been sent to the court mandated class.  Because of that, he decided to take the anger management class again, fully apologize to Caitlin, and change himself.  He was able to turn himself around by not doing what Leo did because he saw the possible outcomes of those actions.

Nick using Leo as the opposite of a role model isn't the first time I've seen or read about this being done.  Sometimes, when I see the affects of someone's actions, I make a mental note never to turn into that.  I think that everyone does this even in small ways.  Our parents tell us to do or not do certain things based on the outcome of the people who had tried it before.  However, just seeing someone do something wrong doesn't automatically mean that you will never do it.  For example, most people know how bad smoking is for you, but new smokers keep on coming.  However, I think that overall, many people need a role model and someone to model the wrong things for them.  I believe that you'd get a better understanding of why you should or shouldn't do certain things such as being an abusive person. Maybe it would keep people from making the wrong choices.

Who to Trust

In the book, The Lying Game, by Sara Shepard, Emma is a girl who is forced to  take the place of her dead long lost twin sister.  Originally, she had wanted to meet her sister and get to know her, but when she arrived, she received a note that said her sister Sutton was dead, and that if she didn't play along as Sutton, she'd be next.  After much investigating, she figured out that one of Sutton's closest friends was probably the killer.   This makes me think twice about trusting anyone completely.

The reason it makes me more tentative is because Sutton hadn't really ever thought her friends would kill her.  In the book, it said she trusted them with everything from secrets to her latest prank.  However, she was totally off guard when they tried to hurt her.  For example, the first time they intentionally tried to hurt her by choking her with her own necklace, Sutton had thought, "No one has ever gotten hurt before!"  Overall, she let her guard down when she decided to trust people.  I'm not saying that no one should be trusted, but we should be careful who you do.  Even if you think you know someone well, you can never be sure.  Sutton's best friends tried to hurt her after all.  This makes me think about stories I hear about someone marrying someone else just to get their money.  How many people have multiple personalities like these?

Everything Means Nothing If There Isn't Happiness

In the book "Nothing," by Janne Teller, Agnes' class searches for the meaning of everything after Pierre Anthon says that nothing has meaning.  While Pierre sat in a tree hollering at them, her class decided to make a pile of meaning.  Each person would demand something important from someone, such as their shoes, and then that person would demand something from the next person.  However, by the end, they had grave robbed someone's little brother, cut off a finger, killed a dog, and more.  Things just got more gruesome as they went along, and they were all unhappy with their losses.  However, they were only doing this to feel content with themselves that there was actually a meaning to life and the world in general.  I believe that they shouldn't have made themselves miserable.  I think that the true meaning of anything shouldn't be fought over if nobody is happy.  To me enjoying what you have is the most important thing in life.

I think that happiness is more important than stressing over the meaning of everything because of what it led the kids in Agnes' class to do.  Almost every person cried or was miserable after they had to give up something.  For example, Ann Li cried when she had to give up her pet hamster, who ended up dying.  Holy Karl had to go against his religion and steal the statue of Jesus from the Church.  In the end, his parents said he wasn't a good Christian, and the book described him as one who appeared to have lost everything.  Unfortunately, after months os sacrifice and suffering, Pierre said the pile was a bunch of junk!  In fact, they were even going to sell the pile to a museum.  I think that all of those months could have been used for the class to enjoy their childhood.  Instead they saw and did things that were unnecessary and led them to no success.  In conclusion, I think that happiness and enjoying life is way too important to waste.  It is also something you can't put a price on, like they did for their pile.  I just didn't understand why they put so much tears into something that could probably never be answered.  This draws me to the conclusion that happiness is the true meaning of life, and overcomes everything else.

Victims

Child soldiers ages eighteen and under is a problem discussed all around the world.  Unfortunately most of them are fourteen or younger.  The articles “Children at War,” by P.W Singer, “Armed and Underage” by Jeffrey Gettleman and a documentary, a CBS interview with Ishmael Beah, explain the life, dangers, and misfortune of child soldiers.  They give details about how the children were forced or tricked into service, how they were manipulated and/or brainwashed while in service, and how they were traumatized after they were released from the army.   Although some might say child soliers are perpetrators, I see them as victims.

One reason child soldiers are victims is because they were forced and tricked into service without choice.  For example, in the article “Children at War,” by P.W Singer, a boy from Liberia who had experienced this was interviewed.  He said, “The rebels came and attacked us.  They killed my mother and father in front of my eyes.  I was 10 years  old.  They took me with them.”  This directly shows one way how many child soldiers were forced into service.  It also shows the boy had no choice because the people would probably kill him too if he did otherwise. He also had nowhere to go because his family was dead.  In the CBS interview with Ishmael Beah, a former child soldier from Sierra Leone, Beah explained, “We thought if we went to the military base we would be protected.  That was not the case.”  The army gave them false impressions that ended up in Beah becoming a child soldier.  Both Beah and the other boy who was interviewed, tell us that child soldiers are victims because they were forced or tricked into service without choice.

Another reason child soldiers are victims is because they were manipulated and/or brainwashed to be killers while in service.  For example, in the CBS interview with Ishmael Beah, he discussed what it was like to be part of the army and kill people.  “You’ve lost yourself.  It completely becomes your life.  You have to do it to survive,” he said.  He was manipulated by fear of being killed if he didn’t cooperate.  Beah also talked about how the soldiers were manipulated into drugs by the commanders, in order not to fully comprehend the awful things they were doing.  In the article “Armed and Underage,” by Jeffrey Gettleman, it said that in the 1980s, an army from Iran gave “12 to 16 year old boys ‘keys to heaven’ to hang around their necks as they cleared minefields during the Iran-Iraq war.”  These keys were meant to “protect them,” but this just shows how child soldiers were brainwashed into thinking that they were protected or doing the right thing. Through these examples, it is shown that child soldiers are victims because they were manipulated and brainwashed to kill while in service.

A final reason child soldiers are victims is because they were traumatized afterwards.  For example, in the article “Children at War,” by P.W Singer, it said, “Girl soldiers are often singled out for sexual abuse, even by their own commanders, and have a harder time integrating back into society at wars end.” I feel utterly horrified that these girls were emotionally damaged to the extent that it was difficult to go back to society!  When Ishmael Beah was interviewed, he said that after UNICEF rescued him, he’d turn on the shower, but see only blood.  This is an example of mental trauma that many of the soldiers faced afterwards.  I feel that it’s very difficult to hear about how these people’s childhoods were ruined, and the rest of their lives affected because they were child soldiers.  In the end, child soldiers are victims because they were traumatized after they fought as child soldiers.

In conclusion, because child soldiers are forced or tricked into servitude, manipulated and brainwashed while in service and traumatized after they were released from the army, they are victims.  Some may still argue that they are perpetrators because they killed people, and that’s a crime.  However, I believe they say this because they are looking at these children from the outside.  Instead, they should imagine what it would be like to face all of those horrors (that were really in the hands of those who captured them) at such a young age, and then come out of it traumatized and charged as a criminal.  Hopefully then, those who believe these child soldiers are perpetrators would realize that they are truly victims.

Thoughts Come With A Price

As I finished the book "Specials," by Scott Westerfeld, I realized a connection between empty-headed bubbleheads and the fact that there are no wars or arguments between them.  In the book, there is a city called Diego where the people are given the choice of whether or not they want lesions in their brains or to be "random-minded" and think for themselves clearly.  Unfortunately, in the city where Tally comes from is against having clear and open minds, so they saw Diego as a threat and sparked war.  This makes me think that ideas come with a price: arguments and war.  Because the minds of pretty bubbleheads are too muddled to form clear ideas, there is no room for war or disagreement.

I think this because when the main character Tally listened to conversations of people in Diego, she realized that most of it was arguments.  However, back in her city, it was very uncommon to have any disagreement between people.  This makes me feel upset that in order to have a personality and have your own thoughts, you can spark disagreements that could end up killing people.  This happens because when everyone has their own opinions, they might think that they are right and try to argue with people who think otherwise.  This makes me think about how you can't only have good or bad, because they can't exist without each other.  Is this the reason behind those who invented the lesions?  This just ads to my previous conflict expressed in an earlier post about how I feel about Pretties and Uglies and the Smokies.  Would it really be bad to just live in a peaceful world without wars?  Or is having your own mind fully to yourself worth the risk?

Both Lesions Are Bad

     As I read "Specials," the third book of the "Uglies" series by Scott Westerfeld, there are two types of lesions that doctors put into people's brains when they are operated on.  One lesion is for the Pretties.  When people in this series turn sixteen, they are turned beautiful.  However, the doctors put lesions in their brains to make them feel muddled, and not have a clear mind.  This way, they would never cause wars, violence, or anger.  The other lesion is for the Specials.  Specials are dangerously fast and alert.  They put down anyone who tries to rebel, such as the Smokies, who are people who run away from the operation of turing Pretty so their minds don't become messed up.  And although the Specials have very clear minds, the lesions make them feel as though they are better than everyone.  I agree with the main character Tally, that both lesions are wrong.
     Tally escaped being Pretty- minded, but later was turned into a Special.  Although her friend thinks that the lesions to make Specials think they are better is good because "it's true," Tally knows that they are bad.  For example, after the boy she loved wasn't turned into a Special, she went to see him.  But she felt sick after she realized she thought she was so superior compared to him.  I agree with Tally's feelings, because in this series, they are trying to create a type of Utopia by turning almost everyone Pretty and making them calm.  However, if they are trying to do this, why would they make those who think they are better?  This does not make the perfect world, because in the perfect world, everyone is equal.  I also think that in general, putting these lesions into people without their consent is inhumane.  Also feeling that you are better than someone is harmful.  It can put others down and cause you to become a mean, stuck up person.  Overall, I respect Tally's opinion that both lesions are bad, even though some think they are good because they help keep order.  I also admire the fact that Tally followed her heart, which led her to realize that all of the operations have horrible side effects.  I wonder how Tally will express her feelings towards the lesions throughout the rest of the book.

Being a Leader Isn't Always so Great

I used to think that there was one definition of the word leader.  This definition was that a leader is someone everyone looks up to, and who usually makes the right decisions.  However, characters from the book I just finished, The Mark of Athena, by Rick Riordan helped me realize that being a leader can be really hard.  It's not always easy to make the right decisions, and it can affect the person negatively on the inside.

In the book. I learned that with leadership, the leader must be willing to sacrifice things for the better good.  For example, one of the main characters named Frank told his friend Leo that Leo would rather save machines than people.  At first, Leo shrugged this off, but when his friends were in danger, he had to choose between the machines or them.  He decided to be a true leader and friend and risked the technology and in the meantime, realized what it takes to be a leader.  Piper was another main character who had to sacrifice something to save the majority.  In this case, she sacrificed herself.  Although she didn't die, she was willing to give up everything to save her drowning friends.  This shows that leaders have the tough job of having to make the right decision, and that can be as hard as sacrificing things on order to help the majority.

Besides the fact that leaders in the book were physically wounded in battle, they were also hurt internally.  For example, both Percy and Jason have always been leaders their entire life.  Everyone just expects them to do something phenomenal.  However, this just makes them feel bad when they don't meet everyone's expectations.  It also sets a pressure on them that sometimes makes them go crazy.  I also hate to bring out the bad qualities of them, but being a leader can also make them stuck up.  Everyone thinks they're so great, and so they start to believe it and think they are invincible.  Although they are pretty wonderful people, pride can sometimes be harmful.  For example, Jason had said, "I've always been the leader.  Being with equals on this quest makes me feel like I'm failing."  This shows that their pride and feelings can be hurt because they thought they were the best, and it's hard to take when there is more than one leader.  Overall, there can be negative affects to being a leader.

In conclusion, this book has helped me see so many sides of being a leader.  The characters in this story were shaped to realize what being a leader really means.  Usually in stories, people praise the leader and don't stop to think about what this is actually doing to them.  This makes me think about people in reality today.  I think it's good to have someone in charge, but maybe everyone should be given a chance so nobody is alone when it comes to sacrifice and internal pain from trying to be the best leader ever.

Family

Many times, when I read something, I think about the supporting characters.  It usually dawns on me how much we need family and friends to support us.  Without them, we could just lose faith in ourselves, others, life, etc.  However, it never occurred to me what it would be like for those who do survive without any supporting figure.  For example, Leo from the book The Mark of Athena, by Rick Riordan doesn't even know what it's like to have a family.

Leo, a demigod son of Hephaestus has been on his own so long that he doesn't know what it's like to have a family.  In the text, he even said that he questioned whether the other demigods he was on a quest with, were his family.  I find it sad that unlike most people, he can't just tell when someone is family.  It also doesn't help that he's the son of the god of fire and crafts.  Leo described how, because of this, he's more into independently working than socializing.  These things make me think about how he has lasted this long without some sort of depression.  Usually in stories the lonely people are unhappy, but Leo doesn't seem to be because he's always cracking jokes.  And even when the book describes his point of view on what is happening, he doesn't seem to have a sad side.  This makes me wonder if he's just stronger or braver when it comes to facing life alone.  Or maybe he just has a different perspective on the world, and doesn't think that family is as important as it is to others.  Overall, I question Leo's strategies of having such a strong and happy attitude all by himself without knowing family.

You Decide, When They Believe

Pretties, by Scott Westerfeld is the second book in his series "Uglies."  I the first book, the main character Tally was an ugly, or to us, a normal person.  But in the second book, she was turned pretty in order to test the cure, which takes out the lesions put into her brain during the operation.  However, when Tally finally escaped the city of Pretties, to go back to the Smokies who invented the cure, she had to choose between two boys when a tracking signal went off.  The result of her choice made me realize that if you ever have to pick one or another, you should choose the person who believes in you.

I think this because Tally chose Zane, her boyfriend from New Pretty Town.  The tracker device was in his tooth and couldn't be removed.  The Smokies insisted that they would have to abandon Zane in order to escape the Specials, who would end the Smokies and turn them into dumb Pretties.  Tally had to choose between going with the Smokies and David, her boyfriend from the Smoke, or stay and be captured with Zane.  However, when she said she would stay with Zane, David accused her of doing so just because he was Pretty.  David didn't believe in Tally's real reason (that she loved Zane), which made Tally's decision easier.  She knew that Zane would support her every move, unlike David.  I would have also chosen Zane.  I believe now that you should be with the people who believe in you the most.  What kind of relationship doesn't have mutual support?  In conclusion, I think that the best people are those who believe in and support you.

Torn Between Ugly and Pretty

The book Uglies, by Scott Westerfeld takes place in the future where everyone on their sixteenth birthday gets turned form "ugly" to "pretty."  However, their society's idea of ugly is looking like we do today.  Pretties have perfectly big eyes and lips, symmetrical body parts, etc.  Almost everyone can't wait to their sixteenth birthday.  Tally Youngblood, thought she wanted this too, until she found out that the operation to turn people pretty also changed who you are.  It adds a type of cancer to the brain that makes them happy and never want to cause riots, wars, or anything really harmful.  However, I am torn between whether to take sides with the Smokies (a group of rebels who are against being pretty) or the Specials, who are the people that know about and support this cancer.

The reason I am torn between these two sides because both seem to have good ideas and bad ones.  For example, I agree with the Smokies that turning pretty shouldn't alter who you are.  Part of being human and living is to be unique and be able to experience a variety of feelings besides happiness and slight annoyance.  Also, as the Smokie named Maddy said, "People don't even know that turning pretty doesn't just change how you look."  I believe that it's everyone's right to be informed about what really is going to happen to them, so that they can make the decision of whether they want to turn pretty or not.  However, I also agree with the Specials that a land full of happy and pretty people isn't so bad.  When Tally's friend Shay was turned pretty, she said that she liked it and wouldn't want to become ugly again and "feel things like jealousy."  This makes me think that maybe this operation isn't so bad if it keeps out war, and other things.  Both sides make a valid point. 

In conclusion, I feel torn between supporting being pretty or staying ugly.  I believe that both has its good and bad qualities.  How can you choose between a world of peace, happiness and beauty, or being yourself?  I hope that I am able to talk to others who read the book about their opinions.

What Happens Without Acceptance?

Acceptance is something that is needed in order there to be a peaceful environment.  When people don’t accept things, there is often violence and hate, which can cause the unaccepted to feel and insecure and want to hide their true identity or thoughts.  All of these awful things are shown in the short story, Am I Blue? by Bruce Coville.  Many people in the story did not accept the idea of being gay, but all that led to was trouble.

            When there isn’t acceptance, there is often violence and hate.  For example, “It started the day Butch Carrigan decided I was interested in jumping his bones,” the main character Vince had explained before he told us how he ended up “lying facedown un a puddle.”  Vince’s fairy godfather Melvin was even beaten to death!  He had said, “I was walking down the street one day last year, minding my own business, when three bruisers dragged me into an alley, shouting, ‘We’ll teach you faggot!’  They never did explain exactly what it was they were going to teach me.  Last thing I remember from life on earth was coming face to face with a tire iron.  Next thing I knew, I was knocking at the Pearly Gates.”  When others didn’t accept that they might be gay, violence and hate took the place of acceptance and both Vince and his fairy godfather were physically hurt.

            When people don’t accept others, it can also make the unaccepted feel insecure and want to hide their true identity or thoughts.  For example, Vince told his fairy godfather Melvin to turn a bully named Butch blue so that he’d think he was gay.  Vince wanted to get back at Bruce for beating him up because he presumed Vince was “interested in jumping his bones.”  However, Melvin reported, “Butch Carrigan was already as blue as a summer sky when I got there.”  This makes me presume that the reason Butch had beaten up Vince wasn’t because he hated gay people, but more because he was scared he was gay.  I think he feared what others who didn’t accept homosexuals would think of him, and that he wouldn’t maintain his tough appearance.  The only way he knew how to handle this insecurity was by beating up Vince in an effort to mask his true identity.  I think this also goes for the Republican homophobe Vince saw on T.V.  When Vince was blessed with gaydar, he was able to see if people were gay by the fact of if they were blue or not.  The Republican was blue even though he was making a speech about “the great crime of homosexuality” and “the gay threat to American youth.”  Like Butch, the Republican was insecure about being gay, so he tried to feel better about himself and hide his true identity by saying he was against homosexuality.  If I were a friend or family member of these two, I’d want to reassure them that it is okay to be gay and not follow the status quo.  Overall, because so many people didn’t accept gay people, it caused the unaccepted (Butch and the Republican) to feel insecure.  It also influenced them to try to hide their gay identities.  This kind of issue occurs all the time in reality, and not just relating to being gay.

            In conclusion, if there is acceptance towards things, violence, hate, insecurity and the desire to mask one’s true identity can be avoided.  This makes me think that lack of acceptance is the reason or the bud of all of those things.  In my opinion, I also believe that if you give things a chance and try to accept them, you might find something wonderful or different from the assumptions and original thoughts others might have made.  Things might not be as bad as you presume.  You just have to learn to accept.  After all, Melvin had dreamed of everyone having gaydar so that homophobes “would find out that they had been surrounded by gays all the time, and survived the experience just fine, thank you.”

The Power of Self-Importance

Sad, alone, useless, unimportant.  These are words that you could use to describe how Jobyfelt about himself in the beginning of the short story, “The Drummer Boy of Shiloh,” by Ray Bradbury.  However, words such as self confident, hopeful, and important are words to describe Joby at the end of the story.  This sweet short story brought me to see the true power of self-importance because it is shown while the main character changes throughout the story.  At first he was miserable when he thought he had no importance, but when the General made him realize he did have a reason in this world, Joby seemed like a new and improved person.

When Joby thought that he wasn’t important and was useless to the others around him, he had no hope in himself and was very pessimistic.  For example, he had very little confidence in himself that he’d make it out of the war alive.  For example, the lines, “Me, thought the boy, I got only a drum, two sticks to beat it, and no shield,” and the fact that he thought that the soldiers were all thinking, “’Me, I’m the one, I’m the one of all the rest who won’t die.  I’ll live through it.  I’ll go home.  The band will play.  And I will be there to hear it.’”  These interpretations that the drummer boy made tell me that he felt weak.  Also in the text when the General first approached him, Joby “shut his eyes to hide inside himself,” and was caught off guard crying.  This shows me that he was insecure, frightened and depressed.  If I were him, I would’ve felt the same way, being all alone and scared like that. All together, these pieces of text evidence tell me that before Joby realized his importance, he was miserable.

When Joby was finally told his importance by the army’s General, he became a happier and more self-confident person.  The General said that he was “the heart of the army” and that “if he beat a sure, steady, ever faster rhythm, then, then, their knees would come up in a long line down over that hill, one knee after the other, like a wave on the ocean floor.”  Joby realized his importance of his drum, which he was told “He must keep at it, at it!  Long and steady, steady and long!  Then, even though shot or torn, those wounds got in hot blood-in blood he’d helped stir-would feel less pain.”  This section of the text, “He swallowed.  He wiped his eyes.  He cleared his throat.  He settled himself.  Then, at last, very slowly and firmly he turned the drum so it faced up toward the sky,” make me infer that Joby changed from an insecure boy to the ever so important Drummer Boy of Shiloh.  I think this because, he realized he had no need to cry and be afraid.  The General had told him to be proud of his role in the army.  I wonder how grand I would’ve felt if I were Joby.  Afterall, he was very important.

In conclusion, “The Drummer Boy of Shiloh” has shown me how powerful self-importance is.  It was all the drummer boy needed to feel like he had anything in life to cling on to.  Without it, I felt the worthlessness that he felt and the feelings he had about questioning his life altogether.  This makes me think about the depressed people in our world today.  Maybe they feel the way they do because they think that their life is meaningless.  I hear people talk about hope, but maybe you need something before you can hope.  Maybe you just need someone to tell you that you are important in this world, just like the army General told The Drummer Boy of Shiloh.

Risks Are Part of Life

     Remy Starr's life has always been organized.  In the book This Lullaby, by Sarah Dessen, Remy said herself that vacuuming in straight lines was a second nature to her, and her room had not one thing out of place.  However, when she started dating Dexter, she realized and was frightened by the idea that she was letting things "get out of hand" because she started to let some things slide.  However, throughout the story, Dexter always persuaded her to take risks and stop being so controlling over her life.  This made me realize that life would be boring and meaningless if you never took risks.

     Overall, I realized how boring Remy's life was because of all the rules she set for herself.  For example, she allowed no one to eat in her car, she had a plan for the summer (a summer fling that would have to end before college) and, well, she did the same things and went to the same places all the time.  Although she enjoyed a good party, she was generally afraid of stepping out of the lines.  However, Dexter tried to show her that eating a few french fries in the car wasn't going to kill her, and he taught her how to lay back a little.  He even made a speech once in the story about how he pitied those who never even wanted to try something.  I totally agreed with this because I always like to try things that my friends might be too scared to do.  Life has to have some meaning to it.  We can't always be robots.  I feel that life is a gift that offers you the chance to do things and most importantly, try things even if it means taking a risk.

     In conclusion, I think that you can't really live unless you take some risks.  This doesn't mean you have to be reckless, but I think you should make the most of your life.  I believe that people who are like Remy and are always very rigid may end up being very upset.  Afterall, Remy always seemed insecure in the book, while Dexter, who was up for anything, always seemed so happy.

Home is Where The Memories Lie

Originally written and posted on Thursday, September 13th, 2012

  For most of her childhood, Anita from the book Before We Were Free by Julia Alvarez, lived on her family's land in the Dominican Republic.  To her, that was her beloved home.  Even when she found out that her father and uncle were involved in a plot to kill the dictator, it was her beloved home.  When spies came and trashed her house, when she had to hide in a closet for months, and even when El Jefe's nephew murdered her uncle and father, the Dominican Republic was her beloved home.  Despite all of those horrible events that Anita faced in her native country, she kept saying that she wanted to return there even after she had escaped to the USA.  If I was Anita, I would not think that the Dominican Republic is my beloved home.  I believe that the true meaning of home is a place that is safe and where your loved ones are, and I don't think that Anita's home is very safe at all.  And her loved ones had escaped to the USA before her.  Because of this, she has made me wonder if home is also where the cherished memories lie.
     I think this because the majority of Anita's memories of the Dominican Republic reflect good times. For example, it is where each part of her family built their homes when they married.  On that land is where Anita remembers Chucha (her maid) with her purple clothes.  It is where she developed her first crush, shared everything with her cousin and sat on her father's lap.  I think that these memories are the reason why Anita refused to call the Dominican Republic anything other than her beloved home, even through all the hardships, panic attacks, and stages of fear she encountered, and even when she didn't live there anymore.  To Anita, home isn't necessarily a safe place.  Home is where the memories lie.  Maybe, when Anita develops many new fond memories in the US, America will become a second home for her.